EVERY NOW AND THEN, I remember I live in a fantasy world. Last night, the sky was striped pink and blue with rows of fluffy clouds, while a red-gold ball of fire sat on the horizon. The fairies have obviously been at work: there are tiny mushrooms growing on the tree outside my apartment (or there were, before it snowed). And a few days ago, dainty little ice flowers fell from the sky, building up on the windowsill like a pile of sprinkles. When I see these things, I wonder how I could have forgotten them. Except for the snow part, because I’m originally from Florida.

I also live in a scifi world. I’m a year older than YouTube and four years older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which makes me very Gen Z. The iPad kids appeared before my eyes, and I remember my excitement when my mom got a cell phone, a little black rectangle with pixelated emojis and physical buttons for keys. A new world opened up that day, and it’s only gotten bigger. I have a universe a few taps away on a rectangle in my back pocket. I can talk with people I’ll probably never meet. This is the stuff of my shabby scifi paperbacks.

There are so many wonderful things in this internet world—music, for example, and Bluetooth. There are artists posting pictures they’ve made for books like The Silmarillion and Dune (well, more for the movie) and A Wizard of Earthsea (a criminally small amount of art for that, though). There are YouTubers making edits for shows and movies I love. I saw this reel a few weeks ago where two guys dressed up as fantasy assassins, chased each other around an office, and went rolling down a hill. Peak adulting.

You’d think this would be the peak. You’d be forgiven for thinking that, because there really is a lot of wholesome, or at least not harmful, content. But we are human and full of ideas and opinions, and when we throw those out to a world of blank faces, it isn’t always taken well.

A few years ago, I found myself in a strange relationship with another person. This was on a fanfic site, and I became acquainted with this person after posting about my worldview. We debated for a while before getting fed up and blocking each other. Later, we unblocked each other and continued the debate . . . and it went like this for a while: unblock, debate, block. In this way we learned quite a bit about each other (as much as one can learn about another online user). I even said several times that I thought we could be good friends if we would just agree to disagree. Unfortunately, polarization is part of the human condition. Everyone is a member of some group, everything has a label. And natural though it may be, it so often ends in an ‘us vs. them’ mindset. To quote Holly Goldberg Sloan, “It’s possible that all labels are curses. Unless they are on cleaning products.” Curses or not, labels can easily cause division, break down trust, or in my real-life example, take away even the possibility of friendship.

That’s a consequence of pocket-sized infinity. It feels like having nothing and everything at once. We ‘meet’ too many people, hear too many voices, and forget to see past the surface. For infinity, it sure feels small.

But it’s really just a pocket dimension. And outside is a world with clouds that look like sky palaces for dragons, winds inviting you to dance, mushroom farms planted in moss, and trees who’d really like to shake your hand. To quote Coldplay, “We live in a beautiful world.” Well, the more time you spend in the pocket dimension, the easier it is to forget.

I’ve had two things on my mind lately. One is that I don’t often know who I am. It’s been my goal to rediscover that in the last year, and some of the things I’ve learned surprised me. How could I have stopped reading as much as I used to? How could I have changed things about myself to fit a person that’s not me?

And there’s this verse, Revelation 2:4, that talks about how people have forgotten their first love, Yeshua. And I realize, to my horror, that I have forgotten my first love! Not only that, I’ve gotten wrapped up into trying to be a better person (and failing pretty consistently), when I should have been asking God who He wants me to be and trying to be more like Him.

The second thing on my mind is a compliment my sister gave me: “You’re weird, and you like it!” I’d argue, except she’s right on both counts. My head has been filled with a couple TVs turned to different channels and playing on full volume. But I want to roll myself up in life and not come out for a year or forever. I want to explore life like I’m visiting from another planet. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. You have not lived until you’ve faced a thunderstorm, seen it rolling in like a great gray dragon of clouds, felt the wind blow against you with the first cool drops of rain, and watched the lightning flash as you laugh at the joy and glory of living.

Wake up, weary soul. Come to life, dry bones. There is so much more beyond the world in our pockets. Dare to leave what that world has made you. Step into real living. Delight in the universe and the people around you. Join me as I harvest joy from books and movies and daily wonder. Let’s serve a God Who delights in making the world wonderful! When we don’t know who we are, let’s turn to the ultimate example: Yeshua HaMashiach, the giver of life.

L’chaim!